Simple Safe Sane
by Tatrin
Summary: "I don't think you understand what you're talking about," Hotaru smiled sheepishly. Marie didn't glance away, but she did convey disdain. In which the Tachibana twins began to "interrogate" each other.


I totes dig the first opening of Nisekoi, but S2 is shit. Shit. Shit. Except for the episodes featuring Chitoge's mother, but other than those two S2 sunk the fandom. S1 was so cool! So many plot twists done _well_ but in S2 they're just ignoring the elephant in the room entirely and the story just halts there *disbelieve* I never joined in the ship wars of Nisekoi my friends are in and I don't think I will - I would like to jump into Rakurie because I genuinely really really like Raku and Marie's the other girl in Nisekoi other than Ruri that I genuinely like but it's pretty clear that Naoshi Komi's making this boil down between Chitoge and Onodera.

I'd prefer writing my stories about Raku being a Yak Prince, and Hotaru juggling her duties as a Student Council President with a legit reputation as the justice driven guy who picks fights and winning them against delinquents and an intense RL gun survival gamer, but then I noticed Hotaru shared the same family name as Marie and this jumps at my face.

Pardon me, I had to write this.

* * *

 **Simple. Safe. Sane.**

"I don't think you understand what you're talking about," Hotaru smiled sheepishly.

Marie didn't glance away, but she did convey disdain.

"Seriously," Hotaru continued to snack al desko*, "you're kind of stereotyping."

"No, I'm not! She really is a dummy pretty husband-stealing blonde! Her grades are low-"

"Because she's used to English," Hotaru excused, didn't Marie herself said that Kirisaki Chitoge lived in US for much of her whole life?

"Her mixed heritage makes her "exotic" apparently-"

"That's not her fault."

"And she leaves the hard work of intellectual pursuit to her darker-haired counterpart, that-that girl who just butts in late in the game of winning Raku-sama!"

"This isn't a game and _he_ 's not a prize and may I remind you I am also a blonde," Hotaru deadpanned. "And I don't know if he's as nice as you say but it doesn't change the fact that he's going to be head of _the_ Shūei Clan, Marie! Nice person or not, he'll be Head Yak!" She sent green glares at her twin sister.

Tachibana Marika, who preferred to be called "Marie" because that's what that Yak Prince nicknamed her, ugh, was Hotaru's twin. And when they were young, they were the very definition of twins (barring their hair and eye color). Until Marika's trip to Tenku plateau during one summer.

While Hotaru was determined to be an advocate of justice just like their dad who was the Commissioner General of the National Police Agency** (a.k.a. the highest ranking police officer of Japan), _Marie_ changed Marika's entire personality to be some kind of perfect wife for the Yakuza Prince who apparently has been sneaking into her "hospital" bedroom to play and keep her company from total boredom, which was, _totes adorbs_ , but not when it made Marika put her head in the clouds!

Her twin beamed happily, tapping her ten-years old calendula hairpin and twirling her orange lock in a really girly manner. "Oh, you know I don't care about what kind of family he has, I only care about Raku-sama himself! And Dad thinks he's a good person, not to mention he thinks it will be a pretty advantageous marriage that might make it easier for him to abolish the Shūei Clan altogether-"

"You don't "abolish" a yakuza clan, that's just not possible with their men pride," Hotaru finished snacking. "You know what, I need fresh air before this conversation chokes me to death."

Hotaru changed her attire quickly and Marie scrutinized her. "Even your athleisure* style is tomboyish. Did you ever wear the dresses Mum sends us?"

Hotaru glanced away and locked her apartment door. _Weren't you a tomboy too?_ "You can have them if you want."

"And what would Mum say if she found out? She'll think I stole them from you! Oh, you're not fixated on your gender appearance still, are you? Twin of mine, people will always be stupid. I mean, Fox News are even more worried about the Statue of Liberty possibly being a transwoman than actual concerns***."

"No, it's nothing like that! It's just, erm..."

Marie stared at her.

"I'm part of a gun survival game. Real life game."

"..."

"The team I joined has a rule that ban girls s-so..."

"..."

"I-I r-really like playing it." At this point, her face was the red of a groundcherry to its yellow husk.

Marie continued to stare at her. Eventually, "Aren't you the Student Council President?"

"That's what you're concerned about?!" Hotaru hissed.

"Oh, I'll never tell on you, we're twins, right~? You never tell on me when I played with some of the weapons Dad confiscated~" Marie whispered, mindful that they were at an open park. "Besides, you shouldn't worry in the first place. It's basically sport; citizens are permitted to possess firearms for hunting and sport shooting****, right?"

"Only after submitting to a lengthy licensing procedure****, which I didn't. It's underground survival game," she shivered in fear.

"Oh my," her delicate fingers touched her lip. "Don't tell me you actually bought one in the black market."

"No, I didn't!" Her stomach was weak to her twin sister. "B-but someone else bought it for me."

Hotaru almost shrieked when Marie lightly slapped both her cheeks with her palms without warning. "You're blushing. Are you crushing?"

"NO WAY!" Hotaru immediately slapped her mouth when people glanced at their direction, some of them sending chastising looks at her for being loud in public. "No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. And apparently, on an underground survival gamer who could be a criminal, hello!"

"He's not a criminal, he's a doctor!"

Marie was stunned. "How old is he?"

Hotaru's alarms blared to life.

"Oh God, that's an innocent question. You did something indecent, didn't you? _Hotaru_."

"I know he's a bi-polar psycho but don't throw him in prison he was joking and I was dizzy-"

"Look, as far as I'm concerned, Earth is a prison planet for aliens too violent to fit in their advanced society*. How. Old. Is. He."

Hotaru sprinted away from her. No way was she admitting she had given her first kiss to a 28-year-old high profile doctor who illegally bought her a Heckler & Koch G3SAS High Cycle!

* * *

*Murphy Jr., Bill, 2016. _19 Words That Will Make You Look More Intelligent, Hip, and Erudite_

** _Mechanism of Police Systems._ 2016

 _**Public Safety Commission System and Police Activity Support_. 2012

*** _Best of Clogosphere_ (source: RationalWiki)

**** _Overview of gun laws by nation_ (source: Wikipedia)

****Carlsen, Audrey; Chinoy, Sahil, 2018. _How to Buy a Gun in 15 Countries_


End file.
